What are the best examples of reverse psychology?

I’m a psychiatrist in the UK and work with some challenging patients,

Amongst the most challenging are the borderline personality disorder (BPD) patients, these are patients who have usually experienced some form of significant childhood trauma and developed unhelpful coping strategies to deal with conflict. They often shout, scream and behave impulsively to get what they want.

When I meet these patients they are already extra frustrated because they have been admitted to a psychiatric ward under section (a legal framework that allows us to admit patients to hospital against their will if we conclude that their mental illness is so severe the pose a significant risk to themselves or others), and they see the psychiatrist as the enemy who has taken away their freedom .

When speaking with BPD patients, the initial encounter is always tricky - they are shouting, talking over you and making demands, and early on in my training I really struggled to navigate such a pressurized conversation. I would often try to argue my point of view and even made the cardinal sin of asking a patient to ‘’calm down’’ which I’ve since learned comes across as patronizing and only makes the situation worse.

One day I went to an experienced psychiatrist for advice on how I could handle these challenging patient encounters in a more effective way and he gave me a simple piece of advice - ‘’Be the containment vessel’’.

He elaborated : ‘’You have to stay calm in the face of someone else’s outburst, your most important job in that moment is to control your emotions. Most people make the mistake seeing the battle at the level of words and dialogue, but in reality it’s on the level of emotion’’

The next time I was speaking with a BPD patient I tried this strategy, I made a concerted effort to be the containment vessel. The louder they shouted, the more I had to remain pleasant and warm during the interaction. I was focusing less on how I was going to argue back more on making sure I stayed calm and grounded during the interaction. I noticed I was able to have a much more productive discussion with patients when I was able to keep my emotions in check and this actually helped me to explore their problems with a more open mind.

I was surprised to notice how much more pleasant my interactions with BPD patients went from that moment onwards.

The reverse psychology trick here is to recognise when someone is showing negative emotions and respond with the opposite emotion that they are trying to project onto you. If someone is angry then respond with warmth and kindness, or if someone is frustrated and stressed, it is your job to remain calm and composed. If someone is impulsive then it is your job to exercise patience. This is the best way to diffuse the heat of the conversation.