What are some amazing tricks to make people like you?

Create a safe space when you are with people.

And how you can do so is to focus on the other person instead of being on you.

A simple technique, taught by Neuro Linguistic Programming NLP, to focus on the other person is to ask questions that show that you care for them.

The first step is to identify and attach an emotion. For example, if you notice a friend feeling a little peeved, you can say, “I’ve got the feeling that you are upset at something. Is that true?” If it’s true, that will get them to share a bit more. If it’s false, you can just say, “I’m sorry. If it’s not that, I would love to hear what might be troubling you.”

The second step is to understand how big this emotion is for them. You can say something like, “How upsetting does this experience make you feel?” or “You are feeling upset because…” Here, it is especially important to hold the space for them, be present and let them share their feelings. Many times, people like to cut in here and share their own opinions, but it’s crucial to let the person express their feelings.

The third step is to validate their emotions, and show that you know what they are feeling. You can say, “I am sensing that you are feeling upset because you expected to get the scholarship, but since you did not, you feel that you did not try hard enough. Is that true? If not, what are you feeling?” After they response, you can show empathy by putting yourself in their shoes. You can say, “If I were in your position, and did not get the scholarship after working so hard, I would definitely feel the same way.”

The fourth step is to help them move forward. “What needs to happen for yourself to feel better?” Here, as tempting as it may be, you don’t need to give any advice. Let them process their emotions, and they will come up with a solution for themselves. They might say, “Well, I can speak to my teacher and ask what I could have done better in the interview,” or maybe “I should work on the way I communicate my skillsets and values better.”

The fifth and final step is to help them take action. Ask two more questions, “What part can I play in helping you make that happen?” and “What part can you play in making that happen?” When the person feels seen, heard, and know that you are there for them, that is where they will feel appreciated.

It’s important that through this process, you need to be interested in them more than being interesting. Go in with authenticity and a genuine heart. Don’t think you already know what they need, what they are already like. Because you won’t actually be listening to the person, and they will know it too. Ask yourself, “What is it that I can help them with? What can I learn from them?”

Give this a try the next time you are having a conversation, and you will find yourself being many times more likeable.

Additional Life Hack to build connection rapidly

People like people who are like them.

In NLP, you can build rapport with someone by simply mirroring and matching their physical movements, gestures, breathing rate, rate of speech. All you have to do is to subtly match the way that they seat, where they position their hands, whether they cross their legs, how fast they talk, and the gestures they make.

Of course, don’t mimic others too overtly that it becomes creepy, and get other people feeling suspicious. They key is to be intentional when you want to be in rapport with someone else.

The reason why mirroring and matching works so well is because it happens naturally and unconsciously. If you want to see natural rapport in action, spot any couples when you are out for a meal the next round. You can tell how their relationship is going by the way they look at each other. Whether they are leaning in to each other. Whether both their legs are crossed. Whether their heads are tilted in the same direction. If all of these are matching, it’s highly likely that they are in synchrony with each other. Such non-verbal cues is activated by the primitive brain, which says “I like this person, and I want to be like them.”

You can get ahead by intentionally matching someone’s body language and para-language. This signals to the unconscious mind (for both parties) that you want to be in rapport. The good news — it’s much easier to match someone’s non-verbal cues than to come up with the right thing to say. So why not give it a try?