Disclamer: Many of these lines are not mine, they have been compiled from books I have read over the years(in italics). Will mention all sources at the end.
Everything can wait.
Education cannot.
As a thirty year old woman, I have come to realise that education is the only thing that can set you free, make you independent, empower you, give you a ticket to live your life according to your own terms.
You can only have a choice, when you have options to choose from, a choice isn’t a choice if it’s the only option offered to you. Education gives you options.
So read like a maniac while you can.
For a woman, sometimes having access to education is a deep privilege, having a voice is a luxury.
Speak up, Fight, Resist, if you can.
You will be made to feel guilty about a million things all the time because you are a woman.
You will be forced into oblivion in the garb of being selfless.
The world functions like that.
Some women get erased a little at a time, some all at once. Some reappear.
Every woman who appears wrestles with the forces that would have her disappear. She struggles with the forces that would tell her story for her, or write her out of the story, the genealogy, the rights of man, the rule of law.
The ability to tell your own story, in words or images, is already a victory, already a revolt.
Sensitivity is a superpower. The opposite of sensitive is not brave. It’s not brave to refuse to pay attention, to refuse to notice, to refuse to feel and know and imagine. The opposite of sensitive is insensitive, and that’s no badge of honor.
Many of us are worried about what people think of us. As a woman who has tried her hand at showbiz for sometime before turning to medicine, let me tell you this, its very easy to get people to like you. Do what they want you to do, be who they want you to be, show them what they want to see and keep a big smiling face while at it, and lo behold, you got an Instagram account with 3 million followers.
Its also very easy for people to dislike you.
A lot of people dislike you because you are different from them, A lot of people dislike you because they benefit from your oppression, so when you stand up and set your boundaries and say this is who I am even if I am crucified for it, a lot of people are intimidated.
A lot of people are threatened by freedom, specially if it makes them feel like they are losing control.
A lot of people dislike you because they have a whole lot of insecurities and unresolved issues within themselves, and they just are busy projecting onto you. Be kind, and just say “ they don’t know any better”, yet protect yourself when the need arises.
And sometimes you feel people dislike you, whereas they just don’t care, they are indifferent and it has nothing to do with you.
Life is too short to be worried about who likes you and who dislikes you. When you are ready to be your brave authentic self, you will find people who will not only like you, but will stick around and stay, amidst all the chaos and mess that you create.
Same goes for love.
Can you make the person you are crazy about, crazy for you?” The long answer is no. The short answer is no. It’s a waste of time to be tortured by someone who doesn’t love you.
No one will ever give you love because you want him or her to give it. Real love moves freely in both directions, don’t waste your time on anything else.
The older you get, the more baggage you carry, the more honest, open and vulnerable everyone allows themselves to be. Just because you haven’t found a romantic partner doesn’t mean there is something wrong with you. Accepting that is crucial in realizing you’re not unapproachable or undesirable or doing anything wrong.
You can acknowledge your bad patterns of behaviour in relationships. You can analyse how they developed. You can do the work to make sure you never behave like that again. But that’s all you will ever be able to control.
You cannot predict how another person is going to behave in a relationship. You can risk-assess, you can be cautious, you can make sensible decisions about who you choose to trust and invite into your life and heart. But you can’t manage the unruly variables of another living, breathing human. To choose to love is to take a risk. Always.
Try as hard as you can not to judge other people’s relationships and the way they conduct them. Long-term romantic love is a feat. People should do it in the exact way that works for them, even if it doesn’t make sense to people on the outside.
As you get older, the abstract concept of love won’t be exciting any more. This is a good thing.
Real life was always a disappointment because the narrative of romance in my head was completely unattainable. Love should be about aligning your life with another person, not a place of make-believe you can escape to where you always feel high, are the star of the show and unquestioningly adored.
You are not a terrible person for wanting to break up with someone you love. You don’t need a reason to leave. Wanting to leave is enough.
Leaving doesn’t mean you’re incapable of real love or that you’ll never love anyone else again. It doesn’t mean you’re morally bankrupt or psychologically demented or a nymphomaniac. It means you wish to change the terms of one particular relationship. That’s all. Be brave enough to break your own heart.
But No matter how level-headed and wise you become, you are, I’m afraid, an animal still. I believe we are never immune to the potential humiliation of giddy, all-encompassing, adolescent romance. Lust is a silent disco enjoyed only by those in the throes of it – it allows you to dance and get lost in a song no one else can hear. The good thing is, as you get older, you’ll get better at knowing if and when it’s time to unplug from it.
When you’re looking for love and it seems like you might not ever find it, remember you probably have access to an abundance of it already, just not the romantic kind.
This kind of love might not kiss you in the rain or propose marriage. But it will listen to you, inspire and restore you. It will hold you when you cry, celebrate when you’re happy and sing songs with you when you’re drunk. You have so much to gain and learn from this kind of love. You can carry it with you for ever. Keep it as close to you as you can.
Stop worrying about whether you’re fat. You’re not fat. Or rather, you’re sometimes a little bit fat, but who gives a shit? There is nothing more boring and fruitless than a woman lamenting the fact that her stomach is round. Feed yourself. Literally. The sort of people worthy of your love will love you more for this.
Your assumptions about the lives of others are in direct relation to your naïve pomposity. Many people you believe to be rich are not rich. Many people you think have it easy worked hard for what they got. Many people who seem to be gliding right along have suffered and are suffering.
Many people who appear to you to be old and stupidly saddled down with kids and cars and houses were once every bit as hip and pompous as you.
This life is yours alone. Stop asking people for directions to places they’ve never been.
Most things will be okay eventually, but not everything will be. Sometimes you’ll put up a good fight and lose. Sometimes you’ll hold on really hard and realize there is no choice but to let go. Acceptance is a small, quiet room.
Feel the wind in your face. Feel your beating heart. Express gratitude for being alive and for everything that you have. Feel blessed. Tell people that you love them. Being strategic and coy is for jackasses. Its what the world wants you to be. Be brave, be authentic, be you. Once you get used to it, its an addiction. Then you can never go back to being a fake persona of yourself.
You can have all your blood sucked out of you, and yet you will never please the world. Drill that into your head.
Cry when you want to, laugh like a horse. Seek help when you need it, the best people I know, are often in therapy.
You will get through this. And you will shine and shine and shine.
Sources:
Cheryl Strayed: Tiny beautiful things
Dolly Alderton: things i know about love
Rebecca solnit: Men explain things to me
Glennon Doyle: Untamed
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