How do you know when you're happy?

Carl grew up in a environment not conducive with being happy. I mean, he could be, but he’d have to fake it.

His life consisted of pleasing his parents, trying to make bullies laugh, and eating absorbance amounts of food trying to escape the people pleasing, and laughter he thought was happiness.

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While he was trying to make the bullies laugh, he was the one being laughed at. Carl knew it, but he kept trying, or lying is a better term.

As Carl worked his way through elementary school, then later the torments of high school, he began to develop.

He found the gym.

This wasn’t until the tail end of his high school years.

It’s here he hit the weights hard, and walked on a division 1 football team, and made it.

Carl was going to college, playing D-1 football, had women interested in him, and he still wasn’t happy.

What gives?

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During college he went on spring break, and met a girl that would eventually become his wife. There is happiness in marriage, right?

Nope.

Misery again met Carl head on.

He went to college, got married, owned, and sold a business, got divorced, moved, owned a sports betting syndicate making $350k+ a year, had a nest egg, a beautiful wife, and any, and everything most want, Carl had.

But what people failed to see from the outside looking in, is Carl was chasing what he didn’t possess in himself.

Carl cringed in his alone time.

Carl didn’t like himself very much. And it showed in his 24 years of choices.

Carl had to buy, trade and sell people in his life. He never felt like he was ever enough.

Then, it happened.

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He met someone that changed his life.

Not on the first meeting, or even years down the road. It took her time to really dig deep, and break him down.

Carl fought like no other until the very end. He would not, and could not accept the demons she was showing him.

UNTIL

That one afternoon she was in the process of using him again. She was laying the road for more destruction at Carl’s behalf.

Finally, Carl saw through the abuse, and he made it known to her. He spewed so much truth she couldn’t deny reality.

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It’s been just about a year since Carl has spoke to, or saw this girl.

He thought she was his happiness, but she wasn’t.

She was the illusion of what happiness looks like to a delusional mind.

Carl finally feels like he is on the right path. He met someone. Someone very special to him.

Someone that challenges the awareness he took years to develop, but is willing to question, if it’s from her.

Carl met a girl that makes him want to be better, do better, and live better.

Carl still has some trust issues, and is a bit scared. But each time he is on the brink of destruction she swoops in to remind him he’s not alone.

Carl isn’t quite happy yet, but he’s on his way.

Happiness isn’t found, it’s created. But you have to have the right ingredients.

And most the ingredients aren’t widely found, you have to know someone, who knows someone, who knows someone, on where to get them.

You don’t buy the ingredients, you EARN them.

Carl had to go 8573 miles to find them.

But he found them, he means her. The missing ingredient.

He, and her are still tweaking the recipe, But they are patient, something they both struggle with.

They both realize happiness is a science, and it takes time to achieve.

They keep mixing, blending, and sifting, as they wait.

They both aren’t sure what they found. But they are adding it to their recipes.

The ingredient is that good.

Carl and Jane question if it’s happiness.

Only time will tell.